Homonym+ Contraction story
Once upon a time, a seagull was flying over a main street. A small bird was in the rafters of a building “Cheep cheep, cheep cheep! Our prices are cheap!” he cried as people went about their business below. “Maybe he should just bow out of business,” said a passing crow, before flapping off into the bough of a nearby tree. The seagull, not expecting the commotion, was then surprised when she almost flew into a billboard. The billboard announced “the Fluffer 5000! It’s the best goose feather pillow on the market!” This quite alarmed the seagull. “Goose feather pillows! That’s terrible! I’ve got to tell the goose!”
On the way to the goose’s nest, she encountered a monument to the founder of the town. It had been made to look like a maid by two jokesters with cans of spray paint a little while ago, and it now appeared to have a nest on top. The seagull flew up to it and discovered a young woodpecker roosting there. “Ummm... you’re not supposed to nest up here...” said the seagull, a little uneasily. “Oh yeah? Says who?” said the young woodpecker. “Important birds,” said the seagull. “Oh? That’s a big deal?” said the woodpecker haughtily. “You gonna tell them?” The seagull scrambled for an answer. “Uh... I’m a friend of the mayor.” “You are?” said the woodpecker, a little worried. “Oh, definitely!” the seagull said, getting into the fib. “I helped his aide with the first aid program. So yeah, I’m a friend.” “Oh! You are? Well, this is just a little misunderstanding. Nothing for him to worry about. No, nothing at all.” And with that, the woodpecker flew off. The seagull quickly followed suit.
The seagull, who was feeling rather hungry, decided that if no more problems happened along the way she had time to stop at the nest of a bird she happened to know to see if she could get a snack. When she went inside, her friend was in an unfortunate situation. “The grocery store has been commandeered!” her friend squawked! “Don’t worry, I can probably fix it,” the seagull said, feeling cocky from the encounter with the woodpecker and not really knowing what commandeered meant. “You can? That’s great news!” “well, yes, of course...” the seagull said, and was promptly cut off. “The store is that way. I’m sure you can do it!” and her friend ushered her out the door. At the store, the seagull saw two thugs at the entrance. Knowing the store was on the roof, she flew into the house it was perched on and up the chimney. Unfortunately, that entrance was guard by the third and final thug. “Flew up the flue, did you?” asked the bird. Well, this is our store now, and we’re eating all the food!” The seagull wracked her brain for a way out of her predicament. Finally, she seized on an answer. “You’re flycatchers! All of you! You only eat flies!” “Really?” the thug asked one of the other guards. “How should I know? It wasn’t my job to find out.” “It wasn’t mine either,” said the other. “Then it must have been,” they said together, “him!” The other thug became very worried and flew off, pursued by the other two. The seagull flew inside for a quick snack, then left.
“I can see the sea!” she said to herself. “That means I’m close to goose’s nest!” Finally, she arrived. “Goose! Goose! They are making goose feather pillows!” she said. “I assume by them you mean humans,” said the goose “because our friend told me an hour ago!” And with that she pointed to the crow the seagull had seen earlier. “Well, bye. I’m off to buy dinner from the store.” said the seagull. “No no!” said the goose. “You and the crow must stay for dinner! We’re having pork.” “Pork?” the seagull said. “I must tell the pig!” And with that, she rushed off again.
by David
Once upon a time, a seagull was flying over a main street. A small bird was in the rafters of a building “Cheep cheep, cheep cheep! Our prices are cheap!” he cried as people went about their business below. “Maybe he should just bow out of business,” said a passing crow, before flapping off into the bough of a nearby tree. The seagull, not expecting the commotion, was then surprised when she almost flew into a billboard. The billboard announced “the Fluffer 5000! It’s the best goose feather pillow on the market!” This quite alarmed the seagull. “Goose feather pillows! That’s terrible! I’ve got to tell the goose!”
On the way to the goose’s nest, she encountered a monument to the founder of the town. It had been made to look like a maid by two jokesters with cans of spray paint a little while ago, and it now appeared to have a nest on top. The seagull flew up to it and discovered a young woodpecker roosting there. “Ummm... you’re not supposed to nest up here...” said the seagull, a little uneasily. “Oh yeah? Says who?” said the young woodpecker. “Important birds,” said the seagull. “Oh? That’s a big deal?” said the woodpecker haughtily. “You gonna tell them?” The seagull scrambled for an answer. “Uh... I’m a friend of the mayor.” “You are?” said the woodpecker, a little worried. “Oh, definitely!” the seagull said, getting into the fib. “I helped his aide with the first aid program. So yeah, I’m a friend.” “Oh! You are? Well, this is just a little misunderstanding. Nothing for him to worry about. No, nothing at all.” And with that, the woodpecker flew off. The seagull quickly followed suit.
The seagull, who was feeling rather hungry, decided that if no more problems happened along the way she had time to stop at the nest of a bird she happened to know to see if she could get a snack. When she went inside, her friend was in an unfortunate situation. “The grocery store has been commandeered!” her friend squawked! “Don’t worry, I can probably fix it,” the seagull said, feeling cocky from the encounter with the woodpecker and not really knowing what commandeered meant. “You can? That’s great news!” “well, yes, of course...” the seagull said, and was promptly cut off. “The store is that way. I’m sure you can do it!” and her friend ushered her out the door. At the store, the seagull saw two thugs at the entrance. Knowing the store was on the roof, she flew into the house it was perched on and up the chimney. Unfortunately, that entrance was guard by the third and final thug. “Flew up the flue, did you?” asked the bird. Well, this is our store now, and we’re eating all the food!” The seagull wracked her brain for a way out of her predicament. Finally, she seized on an answer. “You’re flycatchers! All of you! You only eat flies!” “Really?” the thug asked one of the other guards. “How should I know? It wasn’t my job to find out.” “It wasn’t mine either,” said the other. “Then it must have been,” they said together, “him!” The other thug became very worried and flew off, pursued by the other two. The seagull flew inside for a quick snack, then left.
“I can see the sea!” she said to herself. “That means I’m close to goose’s nest!” Finally, she arrived. “Goose! Goose! They are making goose feather pillows!” she said. “I assume by them you mean humans,” said the goose “because our friend told me an hour ago!” And with that she pointed to the crow the seagull had seen earlier. “Well, bye. I’m off to buy dinner from the store.” said the seagull. “No no!” said the goose. “You and the crow must stay for dinner! We’re having pork.” “Pork?” the seagull said. “I must tell the pig!” And with that, she rushed off again.
by David
The Troll Perspective
Once upon a time there was a small, hungry troll. One day, the troll moved under a bridge,
having been assured by the realtor enough foot traffic passed overhead to satisfy
his appetite. However, not very many creatures (goats or otherwise) passed
overhead, and he was even hungrier than when he began. One day, when he was feeling
especially hungry, a goat passed overhead. “This is my lucky day”, thought the troll.
So he jumped out and said to the goat: “I am feeling hungry and you will fill me up!
You will taste good!” But the goat said: “My brother is bigger and tastier than me!
Wait until he crosses your bridge!” So the troll waited for the next goat. When the next goat
passed overhead, the troll jumped out and said: “I am hungry and you will fill
me up! You will taste good!” But the goat said: “My brother is bigger and tastier than me!
Wait until he crosses your bridge!” so the troll waited, convinced this brother would fill him up.
When the last goat passed overhead, the troll jumped out and said “I am very, very hungry and you look
delicious! Nothing personal, but I’m going to have to eat you.” Did the goat sympathise? No.
Instead, it went and butted the troll right off his bridge.
After all that, the troll was feeling very hungry, so he ate his realtor.
The End.
The Moral: never trust small, tasty-looking goats.
By: David Oct. 15th
Once upon a time there was a small, hungry troll. One day, the troll moved under a bridge,
having been assured by the realtor enough foot traffic passed overhead to satisfy
his appetite. However, not very many creatures (goats or otherwise) passed
overhead, and he was even hungrier than when he began. One day, when he was feeling
especially hungry, a goat passed overhead. “This is my lucky day”, thought the troll.
So he jumped out and said to the goat: “I am feeling hungry and you will fill me up!
You will taste good!” But the goat said: “My brother is bigger and tastier than me!
Wait until he crosses your bridge!” So the troll waited for the next goat. When the next goat
passed overhead, the troll jumped out and said: “I am hungry and you will fill
me up! You will taste good!” But the goat said: “My brother is bigger and tastier than me!
Wait until he crosses your bridge!” so the troll waited, convinced this brother would fill him up.
When the last goat passed overhead, the troll jumped out and said “I am very, very hungry and you look
delicious! Nothing personal, but I’m going to have to eat you.” Did the goat sympathise? No.
Instead, it went and butted the troll right off his bridge.
After all that, the troll was feeling very hungry, so he ate his realtor.
The End.
The Moral: never trust small, tasty-looking goats.
By: David Oct. 15th